Eminems Nan - Eminem wrote this and allows me to publish it.

Eminem’s Nan
Chorus: Dido

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be gray,but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,it's not so bad..

1st Verse:
Dear Nan, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my mums home number
I sent two letters back in July, you must not-a got them
There probably was a problem at the post office or something
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot them
but anyways; Fudge it, Nan what's up? Nan how's the Dalmations?
My boyfriends playing rugby, I'm cleaning the team kit
I can’t get the stains out, guess I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not a woman perhaps
Maybe I’m a man
I heard about your favourite son, Uncle Ronnie - I'm sorry
I had a friend got divorced over cheating too
I know you probably hear this everyday,
but I'm your biggest fan, nan
I even got the same air freshner as you
I got a room full of your pictures of us eating chips on the bench
I like the Horlicks you made for me, that drink was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this nan, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is for you, Oh Gran
{Chorus: Dido

2nd Verse
Dear Nan, you still ain't called or wrote,
I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - it's just Winding me up you don't answer nan
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your house
you didn't have to, but you coulda shared your cake with Jonny
That's my boyfriend nan, we’re getting engaged
We waited in the blistering park for you,
four hours and you just said, "No, go away smelly.
"That's pretty mean nan - you're like my Fudgeing idol
Even Jonny wants to be just like you, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we camped in Devon,
I was a cutsey 7 - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I like promises, rules and a neat home;
It’s a bore with Jonny sleeping on the couch while I’m scrubbing floors,
I can relate to what you said about lazy Grandad
and how your knees always hurt
so when I have a wack day, I drift away and think of you
cause I don't really got nowt else so those thoughts help when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cook myself kidney pie, and over boil the veg
It tastes yucky but I know you love it
That makes me love it.
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
Jonny’s now getting jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But he don't know you like I know you nan, no one does
He don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me Nan, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose,
I’m 20 stone now!
Sincerely yours, P.S. We should be together too

Chorus: Dido[Eminem]

3rd Verse
Dear Susy, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your engaged now, that don’t sound unpleasant like!
Look, I'm really flattered you like my hot drinks,
and here's a knitted scarf for your Jonny,
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the picnic,
I musta missed you
Don't think I did that intentionally just to diss you
But what's this nonsense you said about you can’t clean grass stains?
I say that nonsense just clowning dog,c'mon - how Fudged up is you?
You got some issues Susy, I think you need some instruction on cleaning
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls getting muck on em
And what's this nonsense about us meant to be together?
That type of nonsense will make me not want us to meet each other
I really like Saga trips, I think you and your fiancée need each other
or maybe he just needs to treat you better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
kick him off the couch and get him on the hoover,
I think that you'll do just fine if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but I’m just your nan
We’re not that closely related
Are you turning into your mum? Friggin mad!
Try to understand, that I don’t want you 24/7, I’m just your nan
I love my Saga Trips
I saw these wack jobs on TV a couple weeks ago
Such jibber jabber inside their home. Gross they hadn’t dusted!
Their pets were sat on the sofas, it made me sick
The bin was overflowing with pizza boxes, yuck
but they didn't say who it was
Come to think about it, there names were Suzy and Jonny.. it was you two!
Damn, Dirty Cow!
I’m disowning you,
Nan!

I've got a Big Bum and I don't Care!

Welcome!

Did you hear the one about the 4 ladies that meet in a pub and started laughing at each other's intimate bits and pieces?

Yeah? Well those same 4 ladies set-up a sketch group and performed the most crowd pleasing and hilarious, life affirming and stupendous comedy hour, ever seen on Mother Earth!

You wanna see it to believe it? Well SUPERCORNBALLS are all over Camden Fringe 2011!

Are the women beautiful? Of course! Kate Moss move OVER!

Are they English? No - but they do all live in the greatest city on earth, LONDON!

Are they saner and younger than Catherine Zeta Jones? No and Yes! Yippeeeeee. [NB Bi Polar is a known side effect of watching our comedy (the happy manic side aka Fun Polar)]!